I’ve thought about writing this for awhile. I’m not a complete person. There is a large gaping hole, where my adult relationship with my mother would have been developing. Not only do I fear that Norma now only lives in the memories of a shrinking number of people, I constantly imagine how she would be in the current world, what we would talk about, what she would think; who I would be if she were still here.
I was introduced to grief and funerals early. I would say they were certainly more common than any other family gatherings in my childhood. During first ones, like my uncle who died at the age of 15, I was too young to really feel them. I would watch how those around me would behave and I would try to mimic, all the while wondering why the crying wasn’t coming naturally to me. My grief for my mother hurts more than I think it should, twenty-four years later. I wish I could tell that nine year old Sundi, not to worry, the tears would come later. I feel this very vulnerable piece of me, that if touched, would gorge a mountain of tears. I want to understand that sadness a little better than I do now.
Readers – Who will they be?
This project is for me. I’m doing it here, because I write differently when I know that others could read it. For me, I feel more accountable. I also realize that there may be readers who knew my mother and who I might talk about as part of this project. Maybe they will want to add to this story, but for now I have decided that besides Norma, I won’t actually use any names. Instead, I will use relationships; older sister, father, younger brother, youngest brother, grandma, tia, tio, cousin.
Why Resurrecting Norma?
My mother’s name was Norma. I actually have no idea who or why she was named Norma. Her middle name was that of eldest women in her family, Marie. She died at the age of 47, after living with myasthenia gravis for 10 years. I was 18. I chose resurrecting, because she was religious, and so it felt appropriate both for that and for what I’m trying to do by telling her story and my story as related to her. Now what comes?